After graduating from undergrad, my dream was to move to Los Angeles, enroll at UCLA to get my master's degree and live my best California life, whatever that was supposed to be. Instead I ended up moving back home with my parents for the next seven years and up until the last year, I hated it. Not because I had to pay rent or didn't have the freedom to come in and out whenever I pleased or couldn't have company over and let's be clear none of what I just said really applied to me. I just simply did not want to be there. Mentally, I checked out as soon as I moved back home. The transition from being away at college for four years and then moving back to live with my parents was challenging. My mom is a worry-wart so by nature she wanted me to check in with her. But for a 21 year old college graduate, it felt like an invasion of privacy. She didn't call me or wonder where I was or what I was doing in college so let's just pretend I'm back in college. That was my mindset for a LONG time and then I finally realized, I should probably adapt to reality. And my reality was I was living under my parents roof and should respect the house rules. I mean it's the very least I could do especially since I wasn't paying rent, contributing to groceries, or paying any household bills. And to be honest, the rules were super simple: be home by 2am and let my mom know where I was going and with who. Super simple when I look back on it but I literally dreaded those two simple rules. And as I type this, I'm literally thinking back on things like man, if only I had bought into the program from the start and accepted things for what they were, things would have been a lot easier mentally, emotionally, and socially.
It wasn't until the beginning of 2021 that I finally accepted that I was living at home and to embrace where I was at in life. Embracing where I was regardless of whether I wanted to be there and enjoying the moments despite being unhappy. I learned the more I embraced my circumstance and surroundings, I felt content and started to realize I could make things happen. I had to embrace the current situation because it was preparing me for my next season. All the things that happened and the experiences I went through leading up to me moving to LA, I needed everything I went through because it shaped me to be the person I needed to become. If I moved to LA any sooner than I did, I don't think I would be doing as well as I am. God's timing is never delayed but always right on time.
Trusting God's timing is so crucial but hard. I want what I want, when I want it but God says no ma'am. It will come on His time, I just have to be patient. But there have been times when I took control and rushed the process to get what I wanted and suffered the consequences for it; still got what I wanted but it was harder to attain. I'll use my marathon training as an analogy...last year I was training to run a marathon (26.2 miles) and part of my training consists of easy runs. Easy runs are slow paced runs which help build endurance and have great recovery benefits. You want to start out slow and then gradually increase to a faster pace during the marathon. My easy pace was between 10:45 - 11:15 minutes/miles but during training my easy runs would be 10:00 - 10:30 minutes/mile pace. I didn't realize how important hitting those easy run paces were until I hit a wall at mile 18 during the marathon. No I didn't literally hit a wall (lol). Hitting the wall is a metaphor used in running when a runner experiences a sudden loss of energy where we feel like we can't continue on. I hit a wall because my first 14 miles of the marathon were under 10 minutes. There was no way I would maintain that pace for the next 12 miles. I couldn't start the marathon off slow because I never ran my easy pace during training.
God will have us in a training or waiting season because he still needs to develop qualities or characteristics in us for us to receive the blessings we are asking for. We have to be patient and trust his timing because if we receive the blessing too soon, we might not fully receive or handle it the way God intended for us to receive it. When I hit that wall, I called my mom during the race and said I don't think I can do this. She said, you can do this and I'll be at the finish line. Between the crowd cheering me on and other runners in the marathon encouraging me, I was able to finish the marathon however it was a struggle to get to the finish line and I was exhausted, fatigued and aching all over afterwards. If I had run my easy runs at the correct pace, I wouldn't have hit a wall and felt so terrible after the race. We shouldn't try to rush God's process and timing for the blessings we want to receive. God works above and beyond time. The wait will be worth it. The training/waiting season is essential for us to grow and develop into the individuals God needs us to be.
Food for thought: Trust His timing. His way to the blessing is always better and greater than our own.
With love,
Scribbles Pooh <3
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